I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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