Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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