Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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