I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
