she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
