Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
