I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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