at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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