and she was petting her beer can
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
