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Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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