He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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