i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
