hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I still have a little drunk in my system
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
