hotel room ftw
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
