went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
