you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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