so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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