I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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