Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
