I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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