I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am available for nakedness
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
