you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
