Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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