you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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