Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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