Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
