# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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