after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
