Jerry, you need to find god
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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