you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Congratulations! We have a period
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