Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
