halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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