i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
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His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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