im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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