I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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