That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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