you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
