May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
