I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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