i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
