I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
