You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
