ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
