your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
