is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
