Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.

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  (805): found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt. http://tfl.nu/65bm
  Replies (24) Good night (6348) Bad night (681)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.

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  (513): I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim. http://tfl.nu/b9e4
  Replies (15) Good night (5546) Bad night (958)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.

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  (434): the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit. http://tfl.nu/vjaf
  Replies (36) Good night (4945) Bad night (743)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?

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  (207): I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar? http://tfl.nu/a7cq
  Replies (37) Good night (7072) Bad night (1217)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.

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  (780): My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/iiov
  Replies (5) Good night (3768) Bad night (988)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.

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  (940): Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America. http://tfl.nu/rtd9
  Replies (13) Good night (4227) Bad night (899)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks

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  (610): He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks http://tfl.nu/aq4e
  Replies (8) Good night (2449) Bad night (1104)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"

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  (360): I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!" http://tfl.nu/wn2w
  Replies (9) Good night (1781) Bad night (837)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days

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  (410): You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days http://tfl.nu/jiwq
  Replies (4) Good night (644) Bad night (1503)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.

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  (850): My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer. http://tfl.nu/izky
  Replies (10) Good night (662) Bad night (1318)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.

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  (443): Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack. http://tfl.nu/wgh7
  Replies (5) Good night (1209) Bad night (500)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.

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  (540): By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill. http://tfl.nu/ghyy
  Replies (0) Good night (785) Bad night (393)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?

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  (708): Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love? http://tfl.nu/bkra
  Replies (7) Good night (682) Bad night (386)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex

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  (306): she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex http://tfl.nu/jwtl
  Replies (7) Good night (957) Bad night (415)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.

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  (440): Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday. http://tfl.nu/90jw
  Replies (4) Good night (472) Bad night (319)

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