Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.

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  (858): I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it. http://tfl.nu/e9ge
  Replies (26) Good night (2012) Bad night (2844)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me

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  (716): I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me http://tfl.nu/kh9w
  Replies (11) Good night (627) Bad night (4283)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.

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  (815): I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse. http://tfl.nu/0lkw
  Replies (22) Good night (8030) Bad night (1618)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".

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  (516): The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina". http://tfl.nu/tnih
  Replies (17) Good night (7676) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate

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  (206): This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate http://tfl.nu/vfhs
  Replies (6) Good night (2338) Bad night (1581)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex

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  (215): I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex http://tfl.nu/v0s4
  Replies (5) Good night (2392) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is

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  (703): Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is http://tfl.nu/4n15
  Replies (7) Good night (1224) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves

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  (925): The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves http://tfl.nu/ye71
  Replies (4) Good night (515) Bad night (1518)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.

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  (479): Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom. http://tfl.nu/7rpj
  Replies (7) Good night (2956) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.

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  (816): The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud. http://tfl.nu/cdmp
  Replies (5) Good night (2760) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.

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  (678): Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch. http://tfl.nu/ra61
  Replies (5) Good night (349) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Are we in any of the areas with tornados?

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.

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  (520): Are we in any of the areas with tornados? (931): Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/dq1c
  Replies (2) Good night (874) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.

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  (256): He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree. http://tfl.nu/17st
  Replies (4) Good night (889) Bad night (255)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.

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  (339): Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club (570): All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied. http://tfl.nu/56my
  Replies (2) Good night (783) Bad night (264)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it

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  (630): Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it http://tfl.nu/2jtg
  Replies (0) Good night (234) Bad night (439)

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