she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.