I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in