Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.