I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
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It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.