I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Randomize
