and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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