my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
