They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
