i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
