Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
