I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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