We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
