if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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