yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
