I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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