I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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