I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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