pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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