his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
