so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
