I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
