I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
