i just wanna soil my oats bro
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
