Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
