my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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