it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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