I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
