At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
