she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
