cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
are you so shy because you have an std?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
