Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize