My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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