Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
