Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
too bad you live with your parents still
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
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I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
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So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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