Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.