why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
