Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
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We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
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Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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