I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
