dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
