Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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