Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
