remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Houston, we have a squirter
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.